State was recently commissioned by the council of Greek gods (with Egyptian god representation) to provide humanity (namely the cool as shit people) with chromoly stallions. They forged their tools from the boulders of Mt. Olympus and gathered materials from the best manufacturers. These bikesmiths set up shop in Tempe, Arizona. As much as we all want to visit Tempe, AZ and personally shake the hands (maybe even embrace) the State masterminds, you really don’t have to. They ship you your magical bicycle and don’t even charge you for it. Why do they do it? Because they are cool as shit.

The Righteous Brew discount ends in August – so HURRY and visit www.statebicycle.com, choose your ride, and type “brew” in the coupon code area to get your fatty discount.

Fixies may not make you cool as shit, but they sure will make you look as cool as shit.

REMEMBER: COUPON CODE IS BREW

It’s time for you to finally make your bike purchase. You desire good quality and slick aesthetics. A form of transportation that is freakishly good at remaining intact and reliable. Deep V wheelsets, chromoly frame, fixed/freewheel rear hub, choice of bars, and sick nasty color schemes.

If you remember, I wrote about State Bicycle a few months ago. I wanted to jump onto one of their bikes like a 15 year old girl wants to jump a vampire. But alas, 500 bucks could not be found. 

Have no fear. State DROPPED their prices to $429 and still include free shipping. Also, you can get more money off by using the code word that The Righteous Brew and State Bicycle conceived after a long night of beautiful love making…or just some sweet email action with these guys:

here’s what you do:

1. put on some chill music and clear your afternoon appointments

2. go to www.statebicycle.com

3. choose a bike

4. use the code “brew” to get an extra $10 off your bike – making the bike $80 cheaper than a few months ago

5. do this asap. inventory is custom and the brew code is fleeting

6. remain sitting – listening to your sweet tunes – staring at your new fixie

make haste.

ride fast . take chances . don’t die

Yesterday, I was super cool. Why you ask? Well, amigos and amigas, I had a copy of the album before it was even released.

Today, I am still cool and you can be too. Why you ask? Well, brothers and sisters, you can purchase the album!

The above dialogue was super annoying. Sorry, I just really want you to check out these guys. Very rarely am I introduced to a band that produces an album that tells a story. It is perfectly story-boarded. I want to listen a few more times before a thorough Righteous Brew Review, but until then, buy the Dog and Panther album so that you will fully appreciate up-and-coming review. Yum.

Listen to their album here: dog_and_panther

Support their musical genius. $7.99 for the album. Available via the above link. ka-chink.

It might be odd that a bunch of Jesus’ employees are hanging out in nothing but terry cloth bathrobes…but it’s reminiscent of Tim and Eric’s Absolut commercial with Zach Galifianakis:

And now they’re back. The Victorious Secrets (a band made up of real people but these real people don’t make a real band…in other words, friends with other projects teamed up like a high school rendition of Broken Social Scene trying to win the local battle of the bands contest) have released a new song for Free Credit Score dot com.

We have to admit, we’re not the biggest fan. We understand that 45 seconds does not give you much room to captivate the audience, but we thought it was a mediocre sophomore attempt. Their individual talent was not on display. No matter, they are promoting their second “maybe-soon-to-be-hit” and if you want to cast one their way go here: The Victorious Secrets – freecreditscore.com band

Gotta love these guys.

The other day, I was explaining one of my pet peeves to my brother, David. His first and only response was – “Seinfeld.” You should be aware of the peevish things that drive the Seinfeld gang crazy. If you are not, stop reading this and go buy all 9 seasons and watch them straight through. Then, come back to The Righteous Brew and read this b-log. You’ll understand it much better.

Some people see pet peeves as a tell-tale sign of cockiness. Others, like me, think that they’re hilarious and add to the variety of human personality. Disclaimer: it’s not the existence of pet peeves that are wrong, it’s how people handle them. Below, you’ll read my top 10 miniscule things that I hate. I don’t hate people and try my best to treat everyone with respect – even if they are so annoying that I want to “punch a dolphin in the face” (again, theoatmeal.com – check it out, it’s super).

10 MINISCULE THINGS THAT I HATE

1. Saying “no big deal” after every statement like it’s some super cool suffix. but, nay. it is not. not cool at all. it’s ridiculously annoying. no big deal. wait, it IS a big deal. drives me crazy.

Example: “Hey, you, what’s going on?”

“I’m hanging out with some really cool people. No big deal.”

What I don’t understand is why is that not a big deal? Cool people are a big deal. I also cannot stand “NBD”. Acronyms…WTF?

2. Texting while hanging out.

Example: A group of friends are hanging out, grabbing some grub. During the habitual feast of Saturday late night coney’s, 3 of the 4 friends are texting other people while stuffing their faces with delish chili that’s smothering a wiener nestled between buns. The only person not texting or updating their facebook status, is sitting there wanting to engage in what the ancients call “communication” … not what 13 year old girls call communication.

I know that there are times when you can text while with other people. Sometimes you have to. But, most of the time, you don’t. When I hang out with someone (even a stranger), I will rarely answer my phone or text. Why? Because the person in front of me just so happens to be the most important person in the world to me. I absolutely cringe when someone texts like a crack-head chipmunk while I’m trying to spend time with them. …I might just be too old.

3. Picking your nose in front of me.

Example: Me and you are driving around looking for a parking spot. You start digging. Gross. First of all, when you pick your shnozz in my automobile, where the hell are you putting your dug up nose terds? All over my beloved, and broken, Subaru Forester, most likely.

No thanks. Evacuate the vehicle. Bring your nose terds with you.

4. Chinstraps.

Example:

This is the only chinstrap I appreciate, and it’s totally, 100% douche free:

Nothing else needs to be said.

5. Masticating Loudly – Mouth Open – Saliva Slappin’

Example: You moved to a city (insert “Chicago” or “New York” or “LA” or whatever) a few years ago and have been hanging out with the same group of friends since your arrival. Like anywhere, but especially in a city, eating is not only a necessary element of human survival, but is also a social experience. So, you and you’re friends decide on sushi. I know, right, good choice. As you are sitting at the tiny table using foreign utensils to shovel food into your crevasse, you cannot tune out or avoid witnessing the flesh of uncooked sea life sloshing around in your friends’ mouths. The smacking of lips, the gnashing of teeth, and the squirting of oral juices pervade your ear drums while the sight of half masticated Flipper makes you wonder what the world would be like if we were all fed intravenously. I guess it’s time to get new friends.

So, stop it. This pet peeve was #1 on The Righteous Brew survey. Close your mouth.

6. The 2-Person Side-by-Side Booth People

Example: We know you’re madly in love. How do we know? Well, it’s quite obvious, I mean, you’re sitting next to each other in a booth and all. You could have sat on opposite sides and actually looked at each other during the meal, but you opted for hip snuggles. You feel so much more in love when the sides of your flattened ass cheeks touch, just like your cheap IHOP pancakes overlapping on your plate. Just thinking about it makes even my heart twitterpate (my awareness of this word is owed to Amanda Thompson). The greatest part of your seating arrangement is that nobody else in the restaurant is creeped out by you.

Why? Why do people do that? I always thought that looking into the eyes of your lover was heavenly. Also, who wants a kink in their neck or lower vertebrae from twisting awkwardly to talk. Finally, it just looks absolutely ridiculous. You may not even care…that hurts your situation even more. Why not take advantage of the perfectly good OTHER side of the booth? This one just doesn’t make sense to me…

7. Guys Holding the Door Open for Other Guys

Example: You are a guy. You walk into anywhere that employs a door as its mode of entry/exit. The guy, man, dude, boy, penis, in front of you holds the door open for you and let’s you a guy, man, dude, boy, penis, go first.

Now, don’t misunderstand, it’s totally cool to walk through the door first and hold the door ajar for the guy behind you. But never, rewind that back, NEVER, open the door and then motion for another dude to go ahead of you. It’s just weird. Besides the awkwardness, I have very convincing rationale. If you are on a date and are walking into a building, you open (or should, ass holes) the door for your lady friend. After she enters, you follow right behind – staying with her the whole time. It shows that you don’t want to be out of her company because she is hella fine or captivating and it reveals that you are there to protect her. Letting another dude enter after your lady and before you, could mess up the flow of couples into the building, but also puts another guy in between you and the girl of your dreams. Convinced? Thought so. Your chivalry should be directed at your date, not the random guy behind you.

8. Big Guys in Tight Shirts

Example: How do you know that guy is ripped? Because he is wearing a tight t. It accentuates his bulging man boobies and draws attention to his biceps brachii…oops, I mean “guns.” He may look like this:

Now, most skinny guys can get away with tight t-shirts because they have no muscles to show. I’m totally cool with that. However, if you are fortunate enough to sprout muscles, please wear a t-shirt that fits. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I was strong. Congrats to you for achieving what I never will or can. Just keep in mind that in your “2-sizes-too-small-torso-garment”, you look like a vacuum-sealed fetal pig ready to be dissected by freshman biology students.

9. People Obsessed with Calling Things “Gay” and Freaking Out About It

Example: I don’t even need to provide one for you. All you righteous brewskies know exactly what I’m talking about.

First of all, understand that “gay” refers not only to a sexual preference, but also a growing group of people. To call this “gay” and that “gay” is derogatory and most people top it off by freaking out after they say it like it’s some infectious disease. Your confidence in your own sexuality is often revealed through your ability to handle other peoples’ sexuality preferences.

10. Side-Walk Bikers

Example: What a gorgeous fall day! Can you believe this weather? It’s 4 in the afternoon, the autumn sun provides enough warmth that a simple hoody will suffice. The brisk air. The vibrant colors of Michigan trees. You know what, let’s go for a walk. We can take the pooch. We’re just two people enjoying an afternoon stroll when all of a sudden, BAM, a biker – 10 speed or obnoxious full suspension mountain bike, doesn’t matter. What the hell? Why would you bike on this side-walk at 15 mph when we’re walking on it? The only exception is children, but you only cycle at walking speed when you’re with them. Fight or flight response kicks in. I can take this biker. I know, hunny, you don’t want me to, but I know that I can dominate a guy wearing crotch-padded spandex and a helmet in a fight. Even if I couldn’t, all bystanders would cheer for me because they understand the severity of the issue. Alright, alright. Let’s go home. A perfect jaunt ruined by a side-walk biker. Shame.

It’s called a side-walk. Not a side-bike. Protect innocent evening strolls – bike in the street.

What do you think? Any to add to the list? Write them up and post them below.

Filed under: featured, life, urban ]]> http://therighteousbrew.com/2010/06/12/miniscule-social-things-that-i-hate/feed/ 1 therighteousbrew chinstrap douche non-douche-bag chinstrap tatooed-muscle-guy-in-violet-tight-t-shirt_s http://therighteousbrew.com/2010/05/26/the-tallest-man-on-earth/ http://therighteousbrew.com/2010/05/26/the-tallest-man-on-earth/#comments Thu, 27 May 2010 01:18:20 +0000 therighteousbrew http://therighteousbrew.com/?p=537 Read more]]>

In my top 5 favorite musicians, Kristian Matsson rates high. Dubbed as “The Tallest Man On Earth” by Swedish dignitaries and the Pope, he is only getting taller. Okay, that was a blatant lie. I don’t think he’s tall…and even if he is, he is most certainly not the tallest man on this here earth. Bringing us back to old school Bob Dylan and folksy porch listening licks.

Sweden has birthed this amazing ear candy. Or maybe he was especially designed and specifically commissioned. Or maybe he’s a robot from 2012 who bears the mark of the beast – tempting you with sounds of uber goodness.

He’s the teebs…check out the ‘stache, which he claims “is my sole reason for being a well known musician – because I can sport a mustache publicly and still be badass” :

No matter, his popularity is slowly rising – namely in hipster and hippy groups. But I believe his music transcends bitch-ass cultural tags and should be appreciated by all. Enjoy the acoustics and the lyrics. BUY HIS STUFF.

www.thetallestmanonearth.com

porch sitting;

coffee sipping;

folk listening;

afternoon sun glistening;

leaves me dreaming,

of westward drifting.

debt prevails;

ankle fails;

scholastic trails,

towards money pails;

wind fills sails,

but still tied to rails.

ride a bike;

take a hike;

a girl to like,

have a tike;

the west invites,

to its open mic.

someday to wander,

pennies to squander;

mysteries to ponder;

no cloud is somber;

flatter, not rounder;

the westward wonder.

nature’s mother,

jesus’ father;

sunset designer;

mountain former;

river director;

make wild a flower.

steel mountains;

concrete fountains;

closed curtains;

street urchins;

always searching;

never perching.

In my unending search for a quality, snazzy fixie, I happened along State Bicycle Co., based out of Tempe, Arizona. At first glance, my eyes were fixed upon the sleek beauty of their bikes. After more research, I fell in love with the company. They are committed to building great bikes to encourage people to hop on a saddle and bike commute. It’s no secret that I am huge supporter of bike commuting. It’s a no brainer. Their bikes are legit, too. Made with chromoly frames and a few rotating color sets, you’re guaranteed to be the ultimate hipster – ideology with the style to match it. If you are one of those hipsters who are in it for the looks (in other words, completely for yourself), then evacuate this site because you are the sole reason the hipster movement is stuck and fruitless. But for the rest of you, as you’re looking for a new bike, keep State Bicycle Co. in mind. Save up your dimes, the bikes cost 500 bucks – but you get free shipping.

I think these guys might be a little disgruntled. I mean, wouldn’t you be if you were promised a jetpack and never got it? Yeah, totally disgruntled. Despite their frustration with empty promises, they still conjure up that special somethin’ somethin’ that makes me dance in my chair at the coffee shop. Yeah, it’s weird and looks ridiculous, but when their sound fills your ear drums, you enter your own world … and in that world, you have a jetpack.

I featured their single “Quiet Little Voices” as a Brew View the other day and have heard great feedback from all you righteous brewski’s. So, here’s some musical info munchies for you to partake in your daily intake of nutritional sound waves.

check out this guy. and that jetpack.

We Were Promised Jetpacks is from Scotland. You now how you can’t distinguish a UK singer’s accent? Not with these guys. The Scottish accent is like the way I put cream cheese on everything bagels – thick. It’s amazing and perfectly blended with their indie sound. A first listen to and you’ll immediately think of Interpol, but with a little more rock sound.

They are a newer band, formed in 2003. Their first achievement in life was winning a school battle of the bands contest. You gotta start somewhere, right? Their first album, “These Four Walls” was not released until 2009. Damn. 6 years, no albums. I’m hoping that they’ll work on some more projects and give me some more magical musical jet fuel to propel my highly technical, perfectly safe, top of the line, jetpack. If you want, we can listen to it together and soar around the galaxy in the never before imagined, 2-man jetpack. Aww yeah.

You should have purchased their album 5 seconds ago, but you didn’t. Why? Are you feeling okay? Check out their tunes.

As a person who enjoys spontaneous adventures, urban explorations, and classy rendezvous, it’s tough to be stuck in a plotted rhythm. My rhythm goes with the beat – beat poetics, jazz style, sporadic relocations. I think Jack Kerouac had it right. The rhythm is never pre-written, systematized, or concluded. It is seamless and consistently develops with the present.

Here’s my day: 1) wake up early. 2) brush teeth and put work clothes on. 3) bike to work. 4) labor all day long over back-breaking work with crappy pay. 5) bike home. 6) shower. 7) school work. 8.) brush teeth. 9) fill up the air mattress. 10) sleep. Typically, I can fit maybe 1.5 meals in each day.

Same thing. Different day. What’s strange is that even though each day is different, it doesn’t feel that way when you do the same thing. Each day is the same. Same thing. Same day. But, I do what I have to do. Like most other poor Americans, this is the monotonous reality.

I leave you with this: What’s your rhythm? Is it found in your role as a contributing piece to some cosmological mechanical machine? Or do you live to the beat of each new experience; each new acquaintance; each new minute? Do you sway with the country breeze or bop your head to the urban hustle?